The Fate of Love
by ZhugeLiangT
Summary: Join Zhuge as he looks at different pairings and characters and show what really would happen if they occured in real life.
1. Trouble in Wu

"Weee!" Xiao squealed with delight as she cheerfully chased around an open field. She stopped and looked up into the sky. "This is so much fun! But… I can't believe Zhou Yu is so stupid. I can't believe he would actually leave me… maybe I am not cute enough, or clever enough… but still, how could he just leave me? And for Sun Ce too! I knew they were friends but still, that is just sick. Oh well, maybe I'll find someone better than him, who though. Sun Quan? Nah.. Zhou Tai hangs around him like a lost puppy, he scares me, plus with my luck since they are a Sun and a Zhou they might secretly love each other too. Huang Gai and Sun Jian are too old for me. Taishi Ci is nice, but I think Sun Shang Xiang might like him, I don't want to get her mad at me. Gan Ning? No way, he is smelly and drinks too much. Ling Tong, he is kind of ugly. Lu Meng is a meanie… who else… Oh! Lu Xun! He is dreamy, now where is he? I have to find him before anyone else grabs him. Who knows how many fan girls are after him."

Xiao quickly ran off in search of Lu Xun. She ran through many cities searching for him but could not find him at all. All she could find on her search was Taishi Ci training, Gan Ning drinking, Dong Zhuo looking at a pervy magazine, Lu Meng staring at a painting of Lu Xun, Liu Bei eating an arm and Zhou Tai peeking at Sun Quan getting dressed. Xiao was about to give up when she saw someone standing in an open field. She stared at him for a moment and ran over to see who it was. It was Lu Xun.

"Hi Xunie! How long have you been here?" Xiao asked him with an innocent smile.

"I've been here for awhile now. I was actually watching you playing around with that butterfly and was about to talk to you. However, you ran off before I had a chance. Where did you go in such a rush anyway?" Xun raised his eyebrows. A sweat drop formed on Xiao's forehead and she blushed a bit.

"You mean you were here the whole time? I ran off looking for you. I didn't know you were here." She said trying to hide her blushing cheeks.

"I was only a like ten feet in front of you? I even waved and said hello to you?" Lu Xun said puzzled.

"I… er… well anyway, I am glad that you and I are alone. I wanted to talk to you." Xiao said smiling.

"Oh? How so? What did you want to talk about?" Xun asked her. Xiao bashfully kicked around the dirt and then looked up at him. Unfortunately for Xiao, before she could even get one word out her older sister, Da Qiao, ran over to them and interrupted their conversation.

"Hey, what are you two doing here? I never knew you two talked to each other?" Da asked suspiciously. She glared a bit at Xiao.

"Well we--" Xiao stepped close to Xun holding his hand and interrupted him.

"I am talking to my love! That is what we are doing." Xun's eyes went big at the sound of that.

"YOUR love! Since when? He is NOT your love!" Da shouted. Xun tried to talk again but Da grabbed his other hand and continued talking. " He is MY love!"

Xun's face started to glow red in embarrassment. He knew he had some fan girls but he didn't think two would fight over him. He thought people would rather fight over Zhang Jiao or Meng Huo rather than him. The two girls got closer to each other. Their eyes glowed red with anger.

"Just because your husband went gay and left you doesn't mean you can have the most eligible bachelor in Wu!" Xiao shouted.

"Your husband is gay too!" Da snapped back. "He is mine! I am older so I say I can have him."

"No, I am cuter and look better with him. Why don't you go be with Dong Zhuo. I heard he has the hots for you!" Xiao yelled.

"Hello ladies, how are you today?" A low voice called from behind them. They all turned to see who it was. Dong Zhuo waved to them. "I heard you two lost your husbands so I wanted to come and gather you both up before anyone took you. I thought you two could be nice handmaids, what do you think?"

Dong Zhuo made his way over to them. Before he could get less than 20 feet to them Da Qiao pulled out a hand axe and threw it at him. The axe haired him in the center of the chest stabbing his heart. Dong fell over and died instantly. Lu Xun's eyes grew wide once again.

"Look girls really--" Lu Xun tried to talk but it had no luck since they weren't paying attention to him.

"Back off of my man! I love him and you can't have him!" Xiao pulled Xun closer to her by his arm.

"No I love him and he loves me!" Da started to pull him towards her.

"Xun tell her that you love me!" Xiao shouted continuing the tug of war with his arms.

"No! Tell her she's wrong!" Da shouted back.

"Ok that's it, leave my Xunie alone or… or…" Xiao stumbled through her sentence trying to think of something.

"Or what little sister?" Da said mockingly.

"Or… I will kill you!" Xiao pushed away Xun's hand and grabbed on of his sabers.

"Oh? Well not if I kill you first!" Da threw his arm and grabbed the other saber. The two started to fight each other. However, due to the fact that they never used a sword before, sine they just use fans, they had no idea what they were doing. None of their attacks actually hit each others swords, let alone each other. They hit a flower, a couple little animals, Xing Cai, an old man, two bushes and a few other things. After about a half hour of that Xun stepped forward.

"Listen girls, really fighting isn't the--" Before he could finish his sentence both girls lunged forward quickly stabbing Xun in both sides. Xun looked stunned. "Oro?"

"MY LOVE!" Xiao screamed.

"MY HUSBAND!" Da wailed.

"MY WIFE!" Lu Meng shouted from a distance. He slowly started walking over crying over the stabbing. Xiao pulled out a bow and arrow and shot an arrow right at Lu Meng. It hit directly between his eyes and killed him instantly. The two girls blinked at the scene then looked back at Xun. They pulled the sabers out and Xun hit the ground.

"Wow… you two suck at aiming. I guess that is why you use fans instead, then there is no chance of you killing any of your allies or destroying random things." Xun's eyes rolled back as his last breath came out. Xiao and Da glared at each other and the fight continued. After an hour and a half of aimless swinging, a bathroom break, a nap, playtime and tea time, both girls dove each other in a matrix style and stabbed each other in the hearts. They stumbled around for a bit and fell beside Lu Xun. A few moments later Zhuge Liang walked by. He stopped to see what happened. He stared at the three on the ground, then looked at the readers of this fan fiction, then the three, then back to the readers. Zhuge then pulled up an armchair and sat in it. He stroked his chin and cleared his throat.

"Now my friends, as you can clearly see, the moral of this tragic story… is that Lu Xun and Qiao pairings are horribly bad and should never be used in any form of art, let it be a fan fiction or fan art or anything else. It can only cause chaos, bad plot lines and odd endings that will just be death or something that would make the readers wish there was death in it. Even if it was their own death for having to suffer through seeing that. So please, for the sake of me and other people's lives, do not use this pairing ever or I will find where you live and shoot green beams at your computer so that you can never do it again. Thank you for joining us today, come by next time to see who else is horrible in fan fictions and fan art. I am Zhuge Liang, have a nice day."


	2. A Shu's Love

The sun arose and gently shined into the window, hitting Xing Cai in the face. She opened one eye then rolled to her side. She was in no mood to wake up this early. However, her father, Zhang Fei, was not going to allow her to just lay around all day and sleep. He walked into her bedroom stumbling around from drinking too much wine again. Zhang however, fell face first right next to her bed before being able to wake her up. Xing opened her eyes up hearing a loud thud next to her bed. She looked over the side and saw her father laying there.

"Er… hi daddy!" She squeaked. "Okay, I'll wake up for breakfast now! See you in the other room." She hopped out of bed, stepping over her unconscious father, and got changed. After changing she went to go get food. She unrepentantly found Guan Yu sitting down eating breakfast so she sat down with him.

"Beautiful morning isn't it?" Guan asked her.

"I suppose, but daddy is drunk again and I nearly got blinded by the sun." Cai squeaked in a whiny voice.

"Well, when isn't your father drunk though?" Guan rolled his eyes.

"Hm… there was this one time… oh no, he was drunk then. But last year in October… oh wait no… last weekend when we… actually, you are right. He is always drunk. My father is as bad as Gan Ning I think. Don't you think so?" Xing squeaked.

"Well… Gan Ning isn't too bad really." Guan said awkwardly. Xing raised her eyebrow in confusion.

"How so? Gan Ning is our enemy?" Xing said in a confused squeaky voice.

"I… uh… never mind… but what is that noise I keep hearing?" Guan looked around.

"What noise?" She asked and made a squeaky noise.

"Sounds kind of like… a rodent?" Guan looked under the table.

"Not sure? But I really need to be going, Guan Ping asked me to meet him in the garden today. So I don't want to be late. Bye Guan Yu!" Xing Cai quickly ran out the door after saying that.

Over in the garden Guan Ping sat waiting for Xing Cai to arrive. As he sat there he played with a little puppy that was running around. Ping leaned over to pick it up and it bit him in the hand and ran away. Ping rubbed his hand and a man walked over to him.

"Excuse me sir? Are you the one they call Guan Ping?" The man questioned him.

"Why, yes I am. How can I help you?" Ping looked up smiling.

"Oh good, I have to ask you a question that I was wondering about… I heard that you were the child of Guan Yu and Gan Ning. Is that true?" The man raised his eyebrows. Ping's jaw dropped to the ground and he stared at him with wide eyes.

"What! No! Definitely not! Are you joking?" Ping said in a bit of an angry tone.

"No? Honestly, look at you and look at your name. Ok the clothes, obviously a rip off of Guan Yu's colouring. And then the hair style? No one but Gan Ning looks like that. Then your name, Guan, obviously from Guan Yu, and Ping… Ning… that is too similar for me." The man nodded but Ping did not seem to think it is funny.

"Listen sir, I have a mother that is not Gan Ning!" Ping shouted at the man.

"Oh… well if you say so. I still say that he is your mother." The man shrugged.

"Listen, Gan Ning is not my father and I would kill him if he even tried to come to me." Ping glared. Down the path Gan Ning was walking to them smiling with a present that says "Happy Birthday My Son" on it. Ping's voice echoed down the road to Gan Ning. He dropped the present and ran off crying. Guan Yu saw him and stopped him.

"Gan, my love, what is wrong?" Guan Yu raised his eyebrows.

"Did you tell Guan Ping about us?" Gan said crying.

"Well… I wanted to… but I just couldn't tell him yet." Guan Yu said stumbling through his words.

"How could you! I thought I meant something to you!" Gan Ning stabbed Guan Yu many times killing him. He then tossed Guan Yu into the lake and ran away.

"Well Guan Ping… what about your weapon?" The man asked

"What about it? I like my sword?" Ping blinked.

"Who are you trying to be? Fu Xi?" The man laughed at him.

"I am better than Fu Xi! My weapon is tons better than him old man!" Ping was very frustrated by now. The old man shrugged and began to walk away.

"Whatever you say Guan Ping, you are still a Fu Xi wannabe and the son of Gan Ning and Guan Yu." The man left. As the man walked away Ping threw his sword at him. The man bent down to pick up a rock as the sword flew over his head. Xing Cai turned the corner and got hit in the heart with his sword falling down on the ground. The man looked up at her then looked at Guan Ping.

"Uh oh…" The man said scared. He quickly ran away as Guan Ping ran to Xing Cai.

"Xing Cai… my love… I'm sorry. It's that man's fault, he got me angry and I wanted to kill him…" Guan Ping sniffled.

"Nice aiming idiot! You completely missed" She angrily squeaked.

"You know… you sound like a rodent? Why do I even like you" Ping stuck his tongue out at her.

"Heyyy, I am dying here and you insult me? Squeak." She glared at him.

"But really, why do you squeak? Did you eat too much cheese when you were little? Did you breathe in too much helium? What is with you." Ping asked her.

"I don't know… it just happens?" She shrugged.

"Oh well…" Just then Zhang Fei stumbled over to them and stared at his dying daughter.

"Mother?" Zhang said in a drunk voice.

"No daddy, it's me? Xing Cai? Your daughter?" She squeaked.

"Minnie Mouse?" Zhang Fei nearly fell over.

"I AM NOT A RODDENT!" She screamed.

"Oooh, Xing Cai, ok… Guan Ping, did you stab her with your sword?" Zhang slowly blinked and stared at him.

"Well sir… it was an accident?" Ping said nervously.

"I have to kill you then…" Zhang swung his spear at him but completely missed and hit Xing Cai in the head finishing her off. "Oh… that was wrong… Now stand still Guan Ping."

"Um… I didn't move?" Guan got confused. Zhang Fei raised his spear around and spun it around his head. Huang Zhong walked over to the two.

"What are you doing you drunkard? You two killed the rodent! You should be ashamed of yourself!" Huang Zhong yelled at them but Zhang Fei didn't hear him and accidentally smacked him in the head killing him too.

"Wow, you are as bad at aiming as I am." Ping laughed. Unfortunately for him, Zhang was still swing and finally hit him after 20 minutes. He got hit and flew about 10 feet and fell on top of Zuo Ci crushing his bones and dying as well. Zhang looked around.

"Where did he go? Oh well, I need a nap…" Zhang Fei fell over on his spear stabbing himself and dying. Zhuge Liang looks at the huge mess and sits down on his arm chair with his pipe. He strokes his chin for a moment and then looks at the readers.

"You see my friends, Xing Cai is just a dumb rodent and Guan Ping the son of two men. How could they ever live together without one accidentally killing the other? And also there is no way around it but the fathers will end up dying one way or another, it is going to happen one way or another. With then being together it will also cost the lives of other random people because of stupidity or just randomness really. So please, do everyone a favor and allow them to live their life without having to murder everyone. Thank you for coming again, visit me next time as I show you the two pointless characters in Dynasty Warriors." Zhuge blew a couple bubbles on his pipe and waved.


	3. The Goddess and The Breeder

"Come on little guys you can do it! Come on girl, do it for me? Please? Good job!" Fu Xi said excited as he watched his silk worms breeding. "Look at your little silk worm babies! I'm so happy for you!"

"Brother, what are you doing yelling so much for? I can hear you from outside of the house." Nu Wa said walking in with her arms full of stuff from the market place. Fu Xi walked over to her and kissed her gently. He then took some of the things that she was holding and helped her bring them inside to the kitchen.

"I was just breeding my silk worms again. The little guys sure do breed well. I am up to fifty thousand of them! I even used some of their silk to make pajamas for us!" He said grinning posing in his new pajamas that he made.

"Brother, you are horrible at making clothing, you know that." Nu Wa said sticking out her tongue at him.

"Aw, why do you say that sister? I made a beautiful shirt for you before?" Fu Xi said sounding hurt by her comment.

"Yeah brother… about that… It had no hole for the head and it was three sizes too small. But the biggest reason I said that is because I and see right through the pajamas that you made. Also, why are you not wearing your underwear?" Nu Wa laughed at him as he blushed. He quickly went into the bedroom and got changed into other clothes. He then came back in a robe. "Now that is better brother."

"My love, can you stop calling me brother, it makes it seem old that we would are married but you are calling me brother over and over again. Please call me your husband, not brother." Fu Xi begged her frowning.

"Okay sweetheart, sorry about that. I am just used to calling you my brother, it just kind of comes out now. I will do my best to remember not to call you brother. Alright?" Nu Wa smiled and gave Fu Xi a huge hug. She looked into his eyes. "Hey Fu Xi… you said you have fifty thousand silk worms right?"

"Uh huh, it's great how fast they breed and how many they have. But why do you ask?" Fu Xi released the hug and raised his eyebrows.

"Well the container is open and there is none around? Where did they all go?" She told him. Fu Xi jumped up in the air and ran all over the place trying to find them. Nu Wa giggled a bit at Fu Xi. She walked outside after a moment as Fu Xi ran around frantically searching for all the silk worms. As Nu Wa played with a flower Zhang Jiao, Zhang Bao, Zhang Man Cheng, Zhang Liang, He Yi and Huang Shao walked over to her.

"Helloooooo, Nu Wa! It is I, Zhang Jiao, leader of the Yellow Tuuuuurbans!" Zhang Jiao bellowed in his crazy voice. Nu Wa raised her eyebrows at him. Then she stuck out her tongue.

"Yeah, I know who you are Jiao, I've seen you many times now?" She said confused.

'Welllll, the Yellow Tuuuuurbans and I have decided to riiiiid the world of your unheavenlyyyy teachings! You claiiim to be a Goddesssss, and that you can make hanumans! So Iiii have come to proooove to you that the Wayyyyy of the Heavenssss is the only wayyy!" Jiao yelled at the top of his lungs. Fu Xi walked out of the house and looked at them. He bowed to the visitors.

"Hello Zhang Jiao, Yellow Turbans, I am Fu Xi." He introduced himself to them.

"Fu Xi? Hm… oh you mussst be Nu Wa's husssband?" Jiao responded.

"Oh, brother did you get all of your silk worms back in their home? I don't want to go to sleep tonight and have a silk worm crawling on me." Nu Wa looked over at Fu Xi.

"Brother?" Zhang Liang asked confused.

"Yeah, I found all of them. They didn't make it too far. But now we have fifty thousand, two hundred. They bred more while they were out." Nu Wa smiled at her.

"Did she say brother?" Zhang Man Cheng asked Huang Shao.

"That's good brother. I don't want them crawling around all over the place. That would be a little disgusting. Not that your silk worms are disgusting. I just don't want them all over the place." Nu Wa said laughing.

"Hoooold on now, did you call him brooother?" Jiao said confused.

"Yes? He is my brother? Why do you seem so shocked by that? I thought everyone knew that?" Nu Wa responded.

"And… he's your husband?" He Yi slowly responded.

"Yes? What is your point?" Fu Xi raised his eyebrows.

"That's justtttt creeeeeppy!" Jiao yelled at them.

"Nah, it's nothing? We are in love so we got married? There is nothing wrong with that." Fu Xi smiled at her. As he said that Nu Wa hugged her.

"That is just sick!" Zhang Bao said vomiting on He Yi.

"Well… I really need to go, I have to rain some wild animals before the day is over. I heard that there is a large animal in the woods, I want to find out it and train it before the night is over. So I will talk to you all later. Goodbye my wife." Fu Xi gently kissed Nu Wa and walked away.

"Goodbye brother, take care of yourself!" Nu Wa smiled.

"Husband! Not brother!" Fu Xi shouted as he walked away shaking his head. The other men cringed over the fact that they are brother and sister and are also married.

"Yeah… so what do you guys want again?" Nu Wa questioned the Yellow Turbans.

"The Waaaay of the Heavens have come to crrrrrush you and be goooone with your devilish schemes!" Zhang Jiao bellowed. Nu Wa glared at the and she pulled out her sword and shield. The guys laughed at her wimpy looking sword and stupid shield. She glared more at them.

"Zhang Man Changgggg I grant you the powwwer!" Jiao yelled to him.

"Yes, I feel it! Prepare to die!" Zhang Man Chang caused a smile whirl wind to appear. Man Chang laughed as the whirlwind went towards Nu Wa. However he sneezed and the whirlwind picked up He Yi and Huang Shao, throwing them off a cliff before disappearing.

"Don't worry, I will finish her!" Zhang Liang shouted and caused a rockslide. A giant rock fell and pushed Zhang Man Chang off the cliff.

"That's ittttt! I call forth the Phantommmm soldiers to do my bidddding! Gooooo!" Jiao raised his staff up and Phantom Soldiers appeared. They ran straight at Zhang Bao and Zhang Liang tearing them apart before retreating. Zhang Jiao stood there speechless.

"Honestly… all I ask is for you to die… I mean really I try my best things and they all fail. It's not like I could just walk over to her with this knife and stab her to death. I have to use my heavenlyyyyy powers to kill her, otherwise there would be noooo point in being in the Yellow Tuuurbans! I give up…" Zhang Jiao turned around and tossed his knife over his head. He heard a strange noise and turned around. Jiao turned around and saw the knife in Nu Wa's chest. She fell over dead. Jiao raised his eyebrows and shrugged before leaving.

Fu Xi was in the middle of a dark, woody area. He walked around searching for something. He started making some kind of odd mating calls. After a few minutes of them he heard a rustling in the trees. Fu Xi looked over to the area where it was coming from. The Yeti walked out and roared loudly. Fu Xi smiled.

"There you are! I am Fu Xi, silk worm breeder and animal trainer. I would like to train you!" The Yeti looked confused. All of a sudden a giant boulder rolled over to them. "Hm.. Okay, well I will call you… fluffy! So come one fluffy, for your first test, move the boulder out of the way, alright?"

"Yergg?" The Yeti looked at Fu Xi and picked up the boulder with ease.

"Good fluffy! Now put it some where!" Fu Xi smiled blowing it a kiss. The Yeti smiled back and then crushed him with the boulder many times killing Fu Xi instantly. The Yeti stuck out his tongue. He then shrugged and walked towards the city. He stopped in front of Zhang Jiao.

"Step aside youuu fillllthy beast of burden!" Jiao yelled at him.

"M… me… join… Yel…low turbans?" The Yeti slowly asked him.

"You would like to joinnnn the Wayyyy of the Heavens? Gooood!" Zhang Jiao smiled. The Yeti smiled back at him. He then grabbed Huang Gai, who had been walking by at the moment, by the ankles and smacked Zhang Jiao with him several times killing both of them. The Yeti then put on Zhang Jiao's clothes, took his staff and took over the Yellow Turbans. Zhuge Liang walked over to see what was going on. He pulled up his armchair and sat down with his bubble pipe. He blew some bubbles and stroked his chin gently.

"Now, as you can see Nu Wa and Fu Xi are completely useless in the Dynasty Warriors games. One bred silk worms and trained wild animals, the other was supposedly a goddess. They have no point in being in a category with ancient Chinese figures such as myself. Also if they were real and in this time period the Yellow Turbans would have tried to her, ultimately causing their own doom. Not to mention the fact that Nu Wa and Fu Xi were supposed to be brother and sister, and then being married is incest and that is sick. So don't even think about using this pairing… in fact don't use them at all. Just stay away from them. Use good people like me, and Yue Ying, and Zhao Yun… you could even use some Wei characters too." Zhuge Liang stuck out his tongue at the readers. "Stay tuned next time, I will visit an interesting pairing that could cause problems between two strong men."


	4. The French Theft

**Chapter 4 : The French Theft**

As the sun rose Zhang Liao got up out of bed to begin the new day. He got washed, dressed and ate french toast breakfast. After awhile he got his Celestial Wyvern and left his house. He went into the fields and started to practice fighting. He chopped down some wheat. The handmaids sweat dropped at him as they were trying to get the wheat to make food. After a half hour of practicing Liao heard a voice shouting.

"Hey Frenchie!" Lu Bu's voice came across from the other side of the field. Lu Bu laughed as he walked over, Maelstrom in hand. Zhang Liao glared a bit at Lu Bu for that comment.

"How many times do I have to tell you that I am not French? You know that I am Chinese!" Liao stuck out his tounge at Lu Bu. Lu Bu looked at the handmaids and asked them what they are doing.

"We are picking the wheat Lord Lu Bu; it is for Zhang Liao's food." The handmaid told him as they continued to pick the wheat. Lu Bu laughed.

"Oh? Making some french toast for Zhang Liao?" Lu Bu said mockingly. Zhang Liao didn't find it funny. "No? Maybe french fries? French bread? Are you also going to get him other foods he likes? You know like French dressing for his salad, french vanilla ice cream, french onion dip, french mustard, french cut green beans, or maybe make him some french dip sandwiches?"

"Shut up Lu Bu! I told you a hundred times I am not French!" Zhang Liao shouted at him. Lu Bu laughed and started to walk away.

"Sure you aren't… frog." Lu Bu laughed as he hopped on his Red Hare. Red Hare then hopped away with Lu Bu as he continued to laugh at Zhang Liao. Liao glared at the handmaids and he left the field. After Liao left Lu Bu went off his own direction.

Zhang Liao turned around and watched as Lu Bu left. When he was far enough out of sight, Liao quickly made his way to Diao Chan's house. As he was going towards her house he heard a loud screaming coming from the sky. He stopped and looked around to see Empress He falling down from the sky. Zhang Liao's eyes went wide as she landed two feet next to him. She laid there dead as he heard a voice from the tower where she fell from.

"You stupid wh-- err…Oh no! Empress He committed suicide… yeah…" Li Ru looked around nervously hoping Zhang Liao would buy it.

"Did you just push Empress He out the window?" Zhang Liao shouted to him.

"Err… no? Like I said she committed suicide?" Li Ru looked around.

"No, I think you pushed her out?" Zhang Liao stuck out his tongue.

"Hey! She deserved to be pushed out the window, the idiot kept trying to not let me kill her son or anyone else! What else was I supposed to do?" Li Ru shouted at him.

"You seriously pushed her out the window? What kind of stupid way to kill someone is that? Really though, I'm sure there is some kind of knife or sword around, couldn't you have used that? Poison her? Drown her? Anything but throwing her out a window… you could have hit me with her body?" Zhang Liao mocked Li Ru.

"Hey! Shut up you stupid Frenchie!" Li Ru threw a banana at him. Zhang Liao got angry and climbed up the tower. He then grabbed Li Ru and threw him across the city crashing into, and killing, Guo Jia.

After killing Li Ru Liao continued on his way to Diao's house. He got to her house and knocked on the door. She shouted that the door was opened and he went inside. Diao greeted him with a big hug knocking him onto the ground. She covered his face with kissed then finally got off him. She smiled happily at him and helped him up.

"Did you get me anything?" Diao asked with a cute smile.

"Err… Yes! Oh wait, I must have dropped it outside, I'll be right back." Liao ran outside and took the necklace off of Empress He's neck then quickly ran back to Diao Chan. "Here you go! I got you this necklace!"

"Oooooh! I **LOVE** it! But wait… What is this red stuff on it?" Diao blinked. He looked at it and quickly wiped it off.

"Oh, that must have been ketchup… yeah… Well I hope you like it." Liao gave her a half smile. Diao hopped to the mirror and tried it on. She spun around giggling at her new jewelry. She then hugged Liao and kissed his cheek thanking him for the gift. Liao and Diao went into the bedroom and did things. After awhile they came out and saw the time. Liao knew Lu Bu would be coming home soon so he decided to sneak out the back.

Diao Chan sat in her bedroom playing with her hair. She waited for Lu Bu to return from where he left for. After waiting a few minutes she started to get very hungry. She got up and looked around the house for food. Unfortunately she could not find anything worth eating. Lu Bu finally came back and had with him some McDonald's food. Lu Bu went into the kitchen and Diao followed him. Diao gasped as he took out a huge thing of fries, a big burger and extra large drink. Her mouth started to water at the sight of them. Then Lu Bu pulled out a small salad, a yogurt and small milk. Lu Bu handed her the salad, yogurt and milk then happily stared at his food. Diao Chan's lower lip began to tremble as Lu Bu ate the burger. She sadly ate her food, which she finished quickly. She stared at him as he ate his burger all up. Lu Bu looked around and saw he had no ketchup. He got up and said he would be right back. Diao Chan gasped at his fries. She grabbed them and ran out of the room. Lu Bu happily came back with ketchup and sat down at the table. He put some ketchup on his plate and went to get his french fries. He looked around and saw they were gone.

"WHO STOLE MY FRENCH FRIES!" He shouted loud enough that France had an earthquake. Lu Bu ran out of the house with his Maelstrom looking around for the person that did the crime. He saw Zhang Liao walking towards his field and started chasing him. Zhang Liao turned around to see Lu Bu running at him with his Maelstrom pointed right for him. Liao's eyes went wide as Lu Bu was screaming at him.

"Where are my French fries you French frog!" Lu Bu shouted at Liao. Liao looked around and raised his eyebrows.

"What are you talking about you fool? I didn't take any French fries!" Zhang Liao sweat dropped at Lu Bu's anger. Lu Bu didn't believe him. Lu Bu started spinning around his Maelstrom over his head. Xu Shu overheard the conversation.

"French fries? I love French fries!" Xu Shu ran over to them to get some fries but ended up getting his head chopped off by Lu Bu accidentally. The two of them both stared at his head as it rolled past them. The Yellow Turban Yeti ran over and picked head. He shouted that the Yellow Turban would use this to create peace and then ran off again. Lu Bu and Zhang Liao sweat dropped. Lu Bu went back to threatening Liao. Liao looked around and saw Lady Dong eating some French fries and pointed to her.

"Look Lu Bu! Lady Dong obviously took them!" Lu Bu quickly turned and saw her with the fries. He ran at her with his Maelstrom pointed at her to kill her. However, when he was right about the stab her through the heart she lifted her cane and smacked Maelstrom out of his hand. Lu Bu stared with wide eyes as Lady Dong wiped the floor with him, throwing him into the wall and through windows. Lu Bu crawled away. Zhang Liao laughed at the scene and went to thank Lady Dong. He smiled and took one of the fries from her and ate it.

"Did you just eat one of my fries…?" Lady Dong's eyes glowed red with fire. Zhang Liao blinked and looked around nervously. Lady Dong went into Musou rage and slaughtered Zhang Liao right then. She also destroyed 4 houses accidentally, killed 14 peasants, a dog, the mailman and 13 llamas. The Yeti ran back and smashed Lady Dong in the head killing her instantly. He looked around to see if anyone saw what happened, then dragged her body away with him.

Lu Bu crawled back to Diao Chan's house and saw her lying on the ground. He crawled over to her and saw his French fries box in her hand. He looked inside the box and saw it was empty. Lu Bu then checked her and saw she choked to death on the fries.

"Diao Chan! My love… you ate all my fries! How could you... you could have at least left me a few. How selfish of you to think of only yourself. Lu Bu sadly took his things and left the house. He then walked down the road and faded in the horizon. Zhuge Liang walked over with his armchair and sat down with some French fries.

"Now my friends, as you can see, putting Zhang Liao and Diao Chan together can not possibly be a good thing. It will cause Zhang Liao and Lu Bu to call each other names and blame each other for anything. Which will lead to Diao Chan taking something that Lu Bu has and Lu Bu will instantly blame Zhang Liao and both Diao and Liao will end up dying… what? You don't expect someone as mighty as Lu Bu to actually die do you? Look at him? He is 'The Mighty Lu Bu', he can't die? Anyway… that is also why you shouldn't make Lu Bu mad, or you will die one way or another. Join me next time as we see the Ice Queen going from man to man trying to figure out who she really wants. Quite a disgrace if you ask me…" Lu Bu walked back and pulled up a chair next to Zhuge Liang. "French fry?"

"Don't mind if I do!" Lu Bu said happily as Zhuge Liang handed him his own box of French fries. The two of them sat back as the sun set and ate all of their fries up. Lu Bu then got up and went down the road into the horizon again.


End file.
